| |
[Aug. 17th, 2008|10:30 pm] |
aaaack. as some people might have guessed by my (since deleted) early morning cranky rant about the heat, i started my day in pretty poor spirits.
i worked all day, which was uneventful. my coworker peter is adorable and pleasant to work with, and i like listening to him talk about his girlfriend and when he says things like "you need to talk to her about having babies!" apparently she doesn't ever want kids, ever. (CHILDFREE OR DIE! :P) haha, peter- i don't think you want me talking to your girlfriend about kids if you want her to change her mind about never having them. seriously, i'm all wrong for that sort of thing. i asked him if he enjoys sleeping, having sex all the time, leaving the house whenever he wants, going to shows, bars, clubs, or anything late at night- and if the answer to those things is YES, then the answer to having children is NOOOOO.
anyway for some reason i got it into my head that i'd try to dye my hair pink using beets. it was a dismal failure and my hair isn't even the slightest bit pink. my bathtub, on the other hand, has a lovely new tint. now i just have an itch to dye my hair some goofy color before i puss out and dye it black, because i am so fucking tired of maintaining these bullshit roots. i'm not bleaching it again, officially. i don't even like being blonde, i think it looks weird on me. i will probably dye it hot pink or green or something stupid, just for the hell of it, and then i will probably just go black. or shave my head. whatever.
i also threw my back out tonight, trying to pull eli out of his dumb little bathtub thing. it's dumb because he was stuck, but most of the time i greatly prefer it to using the big bath tub. it's got a little lap bar that keeps him from standing up, but it also keeps me from being able to get him out of the fucking thing, and i was leaning over and tugging on his little 30 lb frame and now my lower back is all pinched up and fucked. i was begging jason to massage it, and he did, and then he got some asinine notion in his head to tickle my butt crack, which of course made me jerk up and only served to hurt my back worse. i yelled at him, "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?" and then started crying. LAAAAME. seriously though, what the fuck WAS he thinking? i swear to god i have this problem with him every single motherfucking time i beg for a backrub (which happens to be every time we're in the same room together, ever)- if i manage to sucker him into it, for some reason his brain gives him the signal to tickle me, which TENSES UP ALL MY MUSCLES AND PISSES ME OFF- WHICH IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF THE DESIRED EFFECT OF THE BACKRUB. seriously, it probably one of my biggest relationship pet peeves with jason, right up there with the fact that he always leaves silverware in the goddamn sink. and yes, i'm completely aware that if my biggest relationship problem is that OMG MY HUSBAND TICKLES ME WHEN HE MASSAGES MY SORE MUSCLES, then yes- i have it really, really, really good. yes, i know that. i love him. except right now i want to throttle him.
BLAAAAH.
seriously though, why the fuck is 2008 all BAD VIBES. i feel like this whole year, i've been fighting the bad vibes constantly. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT. how can you get good vibes when you're always fighting with the bad ones? boo hooooo. maybe i'll get good vibes from having hot pink hair. or maybe i'll feel like an idiot, i don't know. i don't care. i'm grumpy.
edit!
one glass of wine later and i'm already feeling a little better. oh yeah- there's my good vibes. a few minutes ago, as i was easing myself down onto the toilet to take a leak (yeah, i hurt my back *that* bad.) i was reminded of the last time i had to sit so carefully.
when eli was only a few days old, i got home from the hospital (well, my second hospital stay) only to find that i had a pinched nerve in my hip bone. i've always had cracking hip bones, and i have one that i can actually pop the ligament off to the side and snap it back dramatically- it's repulsive and nobody likes to watch it.
anyway, over a week's worth of awkwardly lying in hospital beds had caused me to pinch a nerve in my hip that i didn't notice until i made it home, and the first time i got stuck on the toilet, it was agony. i was sitting there, all fat and bloated (some people might recall that i had a full 50 lbs of water weight that i was retaining in the days after giving birth, due to having preeclampsia. i was on prescription diuretics and blood pressure meds for a month, and i was in charge of daily weigh-ins, where i was supposed to call the doctor if i lost more than 4 lbs in a DAY.) with engorged boobs and feeling like general garbage, and i realized that i couldn't stand up. it wasn't so much that my leg was locked into place, it was that attempting to stand up caused so much sharp, stabbing pain in my hip socket that i literally couldn't do it. finally i had to swallow my pride, admit that i was stuck, and call jason to come help me. NEVERMIND THE FACT THAT I WAS WEARING ONE OF THOSE GOD-FORSAKEN DIAPERS OTHERWISE KNOWN AS A MAXI PAD GIVEN TO ME BY THE HOSPITAL. those things are literally the size of toddler diapers. awesome. my husband got to walk in on me sitting on the toilet trying to hide my shame, tears streaming down my face, and give me a bear hug, hauling me up off the toilet as i screamed in agony. and this was only the first time it happened! he ended up having to do it at least 2 or 3 other times, before i figured out first how to kind of throw myself onto the floor and raise myself into a standing position, and finally how to lower myself onto the edge of the toilet seat without pinching the nerve at all, thus giving me the ability to stand. HELL ON EARTH, PEEPZ!
so anyway, whenever i complain about something petty, like BOO HOO MY HUSBAND ANNOYED ME IN THIS REALLY RIDICULOUS WAY, please remember that he has literally gone farther for me than any other human has, except of course, my dear mother, who changed my disgusting diapers for at least 2 years. knowing that i'm married to this man makes me feel so amazing, you have no idea. |
|
|
